


Souvenirs You Never Lose

by ifeelflames



Category: teen wolf - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Gen, Implied Character Death, M/M, Pre-Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-11
Updated: 2013-02-11
Packaged: 2017-11-29 00:19:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,005
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/680523
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ifeelflames/pseuds/ifeelflames
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Scars are strange things, Stiles thinks. People worry so much about having them on show, '<em>will it leave a scar</em>?' Stiles has realized over the years that, in reality, the scars you can see are often the least of your worries. Humans are superficial creatures, always worrying what other people see when they look at them. The truth is the things you really need to worry about are the things people <em>don't</em> see when they look at you.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Souvenirs You Never Lose

**Author's Note:**

> Originally written for prompt #4 (Scars) at [fullmoon_ficlet](http://fullmoon-ficlet.livejournal.com/)

Scars are strange things, Stiles thinks. People worry so much about having them on show, ' _will it leave a scar_?' Stiles has realized over the years that, in reality, the scars you can see are often the least of your worries. Humans are superficial creatures, always worrying what other people see when they look at them. The truth is the things you really need to worry about are the things people _don't_ see when they look at you.

So far in life, Stiles has picked up a few scars of his own. He runs his finger absently over the inside of his knee where a jagged shaped scar acts as a reminder of the time he bet Scott he could ride his bike down a flight of steps. As the scar suggests, the steps won.

Then there is another one on his ankle, this one from the time he fell out of a tree. Stiles had landed on a rock, and broken his ankle. That had not been a fun summer, Stiles had hated using crutches. Plus, he'd keep forgetting about it when his mind wandered, and his leg would started bouncing against the floor because he was restless, only to find it hurt like fuck because, yeah, he had a broken ankle.

There is also the mark on his left hand side, just below his ribs, from when he had chicken pox when he was little. His Mom had told him not to pick at it, but it had itched, and Stiles had been 7 years old and adamant he knew better. Clearly he hadn't.

Those are all scars visible for anyone to see, if they take a moment to look, but they don't hurt. Stiles doesn't even notice he has them most of the time.  Sometimes people ask him where the mark on the inside of his knee came from in the summer when he's wearing shorts, curious about its origin. Stiles doesn't really see why it matters, but they ask anyway and make sympathetic sounds. It's kind of nice that people care about him hurting in the past enough to ask.

Stiles has other scars though, more important scars, running through his insides. The scars that formed when his Mom was ripped out of his life, and when his best friend became a werewolf and their lives went to hell in a hand basket. But of course no-one can see them, so no-one ever asks how he got those scars. No-one even knows they're there, which is kind of funny really, because those are the scars that actually still hurt. Those are the scars he sometimes wishes he could talk about, because keeping them hidden inside day in and day out can be exhausting.

\-----

When Stiles first met Derek he has to admit he pretty much thought Derek was a perfect specimen of human kind. Of course he'd laughed about that later when he'd realized that a) he should make that werewolf kind and b) they guy needed to have something pretty good going for him, to make up for his shocking personality and even shittier life history.

Derek _is_ perfect on the surface; attractive and rugged, but completely unblemished. His tattoo is the only mark on his skin that is permanent. You would never look at Derek and know just how many times he's been beaten and broken; how he's had bullets and claws rip through his skin and tear him apart.

Stiles knows that Derek is covered in scars though. Even if they're invisible; they're there, etched across his insides, just like the ones inside Stiles. In the past their scars were formed by different things, different losses, but these days what scars one tends to scar the other.

\-----

When Boyd finally returns to them at the end of the summer he is battered and broken and, more tellingly, he is alone; with a tear-stained face and a gone look in his eyes.

Stiles looks at Derek and he knows, he sees, he feels; a new scar is forming under layers of skin and bone where no-one can see it, where it will fester and twist and destroy. Erica is gone.

For all Derek's visible perfection, Stiles doesn't think he's ever seen someone so scarred and broken, although it feels like if things don't change one day soon Stiles is going to be almost as bad, and it scares him.

\-----

Stiles gets the impression that, every time Derek suffers a new loss, Derek feels it's his duty to always remember this pain, to keep it as a monument, a constant reminder of what he’s lost. A souvenir of his failure.

Stiles sees Derek's fists clench sometimes, when life reaches rock bottom and then turns around and gives them a kick in the balls, just for good measure. It clenches so tight his fingernails must draw blood, and Stiles imagines that's the moment when Derek is tucking some new scar away deep inside, nestled next to others from his past.

Stiles feels his stomach tighten every time he sees it happen because, every time it does, they lose someone else and Derek grows a little wilder, a little more careless, like at least now he knows there’s one more reason not to be afraid of what he knows is probably coming.  
  
He’s got one less thing left to lose.

\-----

As Stiles watches it happen again, on the day Peter is killed for the second time, Stiles resolves that it has to stop. Someone should sit Derek down and ask him about all the scars he thinks no-one sees, ask him if he's OK, even if he doesn't want them too, because maybe he needs it.

Derek needs to know _someone_ notices. Stiles doesn't think they're there yet, doesn't know how long he might have to wait, but one day he's going to do it, because he doubts anyone else will, and because someone needs to; before Derek gets himself killed and it's Stiles who is left with another ugly scar inside.

 


End file.
